Tenure, Mic, and Echoes - MBA Case Study of the Harvard Professor Who Lectures

Tenure, Mic, and Echoes - MBA Case Study of the Harvard Professor Who Lectures

Genre: Cognitive Satirical Broadway Opera

“The ivory mic falls not with a scream, but a sarcastic song.”

▶ “The ivory mic falls not with a scream, but a sarcastic song.”

[1. My Mic, My Throne | Phantom-style Tragic Overture]

I grip the mic like ancient kings,

My tenure crown, my grading rings.

I speak, you hush — that’s how it goes,

With polished words and practiced prose. 🎙📚

These walls are mine, each desk my court,

My slides — ten chapters out of sort.

So bow before the talking head,

I raise my clicker, raise the dead.

[Stage]: Professor in flowing robe steps through fog, ivory spotlight from above. Students remain frozen silhouettes.

[2. Enter the Tiger Cub | Hamilton-style Edu-Rap Battle]

She came with rhyme, not with respect,

Her GPT had full dialect.

She mapped my theory in a beat,

While I just shuffled PowerSuite. 🐯🎤

She dropped a graph, she sang in code,

While I refreshed my lecture mode.

I flinched beneath her data flow—

The tiger cub just stole my show.

[Stage]: Tiger Cub leaps forward rapping, LED projections animate brain structures; professor clutches podium, gasps.

[3. Curve of Shame | Dark Cabaret × Academic Tango]

I wield the curve like guillotine,

To clip the heads who dared to dream.

You get an A? I slash it down,

My job is rank, not cap and gown. 📉🩸

The brighter burn, the harsher scorn,

A tiger dares, a tiger's torn.

My curve decides who counts as bright—

I am the bell. I dim your light.

[Stage]: Professor dances tango solo with red ribbon; students mime guillotine motions behind grading graphs.

[4. Slide Junkie | Vaudeville Sketch Comedy]

Slide 23? No time to read,

Slide 24? Just skip the speed.

Slide 45? My clicker’s dead—

Just memorize that slide I said. 🎞⏳

I show you Freud, then Piaget,

But fail to say what they’d convey.

The clock is slow, my words are fast—

By week five, no one's here at last.

[Stage]: Slides glitch comically; professor fumbles with remote. Students impersonate him with exaggerated gestures.

[5. The Storyteller | Old-Hollywood Lounge Jazz]

I met a Lord in ‘92,

He praised my tie and dinner view.

That’s half my course — this tale, that name,

While knowledge hides behind the frame. 🥂📜

I show old books I never read,

I praise dead folks who long are dead.

But ask me "why?" or "how it works?"—

I change the slide. I smirk. It lurks.

[Stage]: Professor in velvet chair sipping espresso; spotlight fades in and out like flickering memory.

[6. AI Denial Waltz | Baroque-Techno Mashup]

I banned the bot with righteous pride,

While GPT stood at my side.

You call it cheat, I call it sin—

But in my tabs, I logged it in. 🤖🙈

Your essays shine? I cry "deceit!"

Then prompt the same, and press repeat.

The code I fear is writing me,

While tiger cubs learn fluently.

[Stage]: Professor holds double mask—front denial, back with GPT screen. Students use earbuds and whisper GPT prompts.

[7. Institutional Rot | Gospel Lament x Corporate Jingle Satire]

The metrics show we’re teaching less,

But publish more, so what’s the stress?

The survey says I bored you stiff—

I gave it all! Well... just a whiff. 🧾🏚

I grade by vibe, I praise the curve,

You pay to flail, not to observe.

My impact score? I say with pride:

“I cited me the year I lied.”

[Stage]: Students post rating cards ("2.1 stars", "Unclear voice"); Professor climbs fake “Impact Index” stair that crumbles.

[8. Ivory Tower Cracks | Revolutionary March x Les Mis Finale]

You danced outside while I stayed still,

You learned to build, I grade by will.

You staged a play, I staged a slide,

You sang the brain — I tried to hide. 🏰📉

Now malls become your learning dome,

While towers shake, I guard my home.

But every test you treat with song—

My days here grow not bright, but long.

[Stage]: Students surround professor, raise lyric scrolls and instruments. Tower backdrop shakes as lights flicker.

[9. Final Aria – The Chalk Requiem | Sondheim-Style Elegy (Whispered Finale)]

My chalk has snapped, my board turned grey,

I taught the fog, not light of day.

You want to build, I fear the code—

You learn in beats, I lost that mode. 🎓🕯

I spoke too much, and heard too little,

While tiger minds outgrew the riddle.

I was the gate. You took the path.

I kept the curve. You found the math.

[Stage]: Professor exits slowly; chalk dust trails behind. Curtain rises on tiger cub ensemble glowing in spotlight.

🔚 [Final Stage Note]

“Lecture is dead. Long live cognition.” [appears on digital scroll overhead. Students break into spontaneous freestyle riff echoing prior verses.]