Tsinghua Tiger vs The Grading Curve - NeuraPump MBA Case Study

Tsinghua Tiger vs The Grading Curve - NeuraPump MBA Case Study

Genre: Broadway Satirical March Anthem × Irony Hop × STEM Slam Funk

“If 0.4% take AP Electromagnetism — don’t blame the blackout on us.”

▶ “If 0.4% take AP Electromagnetism — don’t blame the blackout on us.”

🎤 [Verse 1 – Chopstick Funk × Ivy League Jazz]

I came from Tsinghua, land of STEM and steam,

Where dreams wear lab coats and solder with gleam.

We built bridges while you did debate,

Fixing your chips while you overcooked hate. 🔧💥

Your AP Physics? Four out of thousand? How quaint—

That’s not a pipeline, that’s a complaint.

Meanwhile in Beijing we MCAT at seven,

While your kids are vlogging life after heaven. 📸🎓

⚡ [Verse 2 – Grading Curve Gospel × Harvard Hymn Roast]

They said, “Welcome to Harvard, elite and rare,”

Then killed our self-worth with weighted air.

Grading Curve? Oh that tragic slope,

Where 90% climb, but only one gets the rope. 🧗‍♂️💔

You call that merit? We call it math abuse—

If Apple curved, you’d scream “Consumer excuse!”

Your “A+” is just a game of death,

We prefer GPUs over Macbeth. 🎭🔌

🧠 [Verse 3 – Quantum Rock × Silicon Valley Surfcore]

MIT had eight engineers left last spring,

Rest turned DEI into a wrestling ring.

“We need more coders!” Wall Street weeps,

Then hires baristas with diversity tweets. 💼🧃

At Tsinghua, we calculate pi in sleep,

While your top grads forget where voltages leap.

Lagrangian fields in our tiger cub raps,

Yours need spellcheck to open Maps. 🧭😂

🧪 [Verse 4 – Experimental Theatre × STEM Slam Poetry]

You canceled algebra — and wings now fall,

We debug code, you debug trauma call.

We build fabs with rice and burn,

Your TikToks teach nothing in return. 🔥📱

🛰️ [Verse 5 – Cognitive EDM × Enlightenment Ska]

Why do one percent hold ninety-nine patents?

‘Cause ninety-nine percent got grade-inflated tenants.

You said “learning is trauma,” we said “reps.”

You blamed systems, we passed all the steps. 🧗‍♀️🧠

In Tsinghua we remix Dirac in rhyme,

You remix Shakespeare into cat-whine.

We sing Faraday at recess bell,

You “don’t test kids” — then wonder why they fell. 🧪🎢

🎓 [Verse 6 – Mock Broadway Ballad × Graduation Melodrama]

Dear Stanford, thanks for your tears,

We came, we saw, we hacked your gears.

You taught us “community” — that’s cute,

We taught ourselves to mass compute. 🖥️🤷‍♀️

We weren’t legacy, we weren’t white,

We just outperformed, and gave you fright.

So you “holistically” blocked the gate,

Then asked us to innovate your fate. 🚪🔐

🔥 [Verse 7 – Cultural Comedy Rap × Mathcore Satire]

A Harvard class on “Algorithms of Shame”?

We used those to solve your supply chain.

You wrote think-pieces on “Tiger Pain,”

We wrote CUDA in a bullet train. 🚅💻

DEI said “Balance the slate,”

But forgot talent doesn’t self-regulate.

If AP physics is too elite,

Enjoy TikTok while your grid depletes. 📉📵

🧬 [Verse 8 – Epic Closer × Anthemic Whisper Hop]

So here’s your mirror, oh West in decline:

Your classrooms rhyme, but never align.

You mocked Tiger Moms and their drills,

Now you import Tsinghua to fix your bills. 📦🧾

We don’t seek revenge, just voltage clean—

But 0.4%? That’s an education crime scene.

Sing your curves and equity chimes,

We’ll be building futures — ten years ahead of time. 🏗️🚀